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boybalbas
04 November 2006 @ 01:49 pm
Idon’twritemuchanymoreandthat’saproblemIdon’treadalotanymoreandthat’sbeenaproblemforalongtimeIdon’tstudyanymoreandIamsolazytoworkonmythesisThepastfewweeksI’vebeenhavingdoubtsaboutwhichcareertopursueallbecausemyinterestshaveonceagainshiftedYes,thishashappenedmorethanonceAndIhatetoadmitthatIamavictimoftheseinterests,andIamnottheonlyoneOfcoursemybigimpossibledreamsarestillthereMyorphanage,hospital,theblackpearlandthecastleLately,schoolhasn’tbeenmuchofapriorityI’vebeenmissingclasses,hangingout,playingawayandwatchingtvseries’likethere’snotomorrowI’vebeenabum,literallyButanintelligentbumIntelligentinthesensethatI’venotbeenfailinganythingThisisstupidSee,I’vealsoseenmyselftryingtoavoidalotofchurchresponsibilitiesthatIdon’thavetimedoingIdon’tknowifit’sjustanexcuseorIreallydon’thavetime‘causethewayIseeit,Ijustdon’twanttodoanyministryrightnowAgain,becauseofmyshiftinginterestsNotonlythat,I’vebeenthinkingaboutlookingforanewchurchSomewhereIcouldbejustanybodyIdon’tknowwhatfor,butI’venotbeengivenachancetolookforachurchwhereIfitIdon’tmeanthatI’vewastedtimeincog;myyearsthereweresubstantialandIcouldn’thavebeenanywhereelseIt’sjustthatI’mnotgrowinganymoreIdon’thavethespiritualhungerthatI’vehadbeforeIseekalotofthings,butnothingnearchurchAboutthoseshiftinginterests,I’velearnedthatmediaandmasscommunicationsreallyinterestmeWorkinginthebackgroundandsuchAndjustyesterday,Ihadathoughtoflearningseverallanguages,asmanyasIcan,ifIremembersoAndthat’sjuststupid‘causeIdon’tknowhowthatcanhelpmeinmycomputersciencecareerAndIdon’tthinkIammuchofageniustobeginlearningmorethantwolanguagesi’vebeenthinkingalotaboutreadingalotagainAlmosteverythingIknowtoday,IacquiredfrombooksBooksthatI’vereadbefore,nomatterhowirrelevantitwastomystudiesIwasalwayscuriousWantingtoknowalotofthingsifnoteverythingOnemorething,andthisiswhat’sreallybotheringmeatthemoment;itbothersmesomuchitpushedmeintowritingthis:IwanttogetintothisrelationshipwiththisgirlIdon’tknowhowIdon’tknowwhyI’veneverfeltsomethingsostrongforsomeonesinceilaAnditsucks‘causeIkeeponrememberingeverythingIfeltforilaItwasn’teasytryingtowaitforheralongtimeandgettingnothingafter7yearsikeeptellingmyselfI’mreadyforneens,thatIcanhandlethisrelationshipButtheideaforwaitingagainiskillingmeI’veevenbeguntothinkaboutwanderingintothenonchristiangirlfriendphasetothepointthatIaskedsomeoneoutjusttodateWithoutevenhavingthenotionofkeepingarelationshipIdon’tknowIt’sdangerous,butIcan’twaitforeverApparentlypatienceisnotmyvirtueIdon’tknowwhy,butitisn’tItoldoneofmyfriendsthatI’vebeenhavingfrustrationsbeingabletotelleveryoneelsewhattodowiththeirrelationshipsandnotbeingabletohandlemyownImean,it’stotallynotfairIcan’t“diagnose”myownrelationshipsMyrelationshipwithmyparentsaren’texactlywhatIwoulddescribeasperfectI’mbrokenAndIneedfixingIdon’tneedafixthatwouldonlylastforweeksIneedsomeonetofixmeAndifyoureadthisallthewaythrough,thankyou,‘causetomethatmeansyoureallycareaboutmeThanks

i'm falling apart.
 
 
Current Location: slavery
Current Mood: indescribablebound
 
 
boybalbas
15 September 2006 @ 10:21 pm
masaya sa simula, di hamak
palakihan ng ngiti pag magkasama
sumikip ang daan, humirap
bumitaw..di naalalayan

ayaw ko na kasi ayaw mo rin, diba?
di man natin aminin
para tayong mga bata
laro lang ba'ng pag-ibig para sa 'ting dalawa?
wag na natin dayain
gawin natin nang tama...

pinilit ko nalang na lumayo
magpanggap na walang nangyari
nung akala ko ako'y malayo na
nasa tabi nanaman kita...

babaha.. babaha.. ng luha.. ng luha..
bukas, makalawa, wala nang sisikat na umaga


lumayo na ako, tadhana na ang naglalaro...
--
gusto mo ba mawala? kasi kung ayaw mo, ako nalang..
 
 
Current Location: sa ulap na madilim
Current Mood: complacentnot looking your way
Current Music: panaginip - moonstar88
 
 
boybalbas
12 September 2006 @ 12:44 pm
    dear reader,
      
    this morning at around 730 am, someone called me up.  one of my friends gave him my
    number, like a recommendation or something, for something i wouldn't have expected
    to arrive.
    i am looking at a part-time job opportunity.  work while in school sort of thing.  i'm not
    really sure what the job is, because i didn't want it discussed over the phone, so i'm
    going to meet him tomorrow night in makati.
    can you include me in your prayers today? i need you to pray that i would understand
    whatever this job is (i know it's related to computers) so that i can judge well if i will have
    the time to commit to this.  i'm currently working on my thesis this term, so i'm taking
    that into consideration also.
    the reason why i'm looking into this is because it is really a great opportunity. i mean,
    to earn while you're studying...wow. and this will look good on my resume.
    this is sorta like one of the most major decisions i have to make, so i need to pray hard
    about it.  you can help me out by doing just that.  your inputs are welcome, too.
   
    sincerely,
    paulus
 
 
boybalbas
12 September 2006 @ 11:14 am
i just had one of the weirdest dreams. i don't dream a lot, but lately i noticed that if i dreamed, it was nothing ordinary.

i was in my old high school with a college friend. we were just there in my car waiting for her dad to arrive. her dad arrived in a gray cr-v. her dad went out of the car. handed the keys over to her and told her to park the car. but she didn't know how to drive. so she gave me the keys and asked me to park the car for her, so i did. i sat on the driver's seat, started the car and drove it to the parking lot. on the way there there was this old, dirty sort of a beggar with his kariton crossing. INSIDE MY HIGH SCHOOL, ok? so i let him cross. in the dream i wasn't surprised that he was there. so i continued to drive to the parking lot. i turned the car around so i can park properly and when i hit the brakes, it slowed down. but it didn't stop. the car wouldn't stop. so i pulled the hand brake, 'cause i figured maybe the brakes have a problem. but, no, it still wouldn't stop. but it was going very slow. so i turned the car around again, back to where i first mounted it. and tried to park it there. same problem. the car just wouldn't stop! i tried one more time in the parking lot, then back again to where it originally was. i saw some gravel on the sidewalk, so i thought, maybe this'll work. so i drove it over to the gravel, hit the brakes, pulled the handbrakes, and it stopped. immediately after that, my friend's dad came out of the building and saw it. he smiled and said thanks. i went out of the car, my friend went out, too. and when i was handing the keys over to her dad, the car revved. the keys weren't there anymore. it was off. but it revved. if you think that was weird, there's more. a few seconds after, before my friend's dad could reach the door handle, the car sped off into the parking lot with the reverse lights on, without a driver at around 80 kph. i couldn't take it anymore, so i woke myself up.

i believe that sometimes dreams are a means of communication to us by our subconscious or by higher powers. i don't know what this means, but it sure is weird.

here are the weirdness factors:
1. why am i in my high school?
2. why is my college friend there with me?
3. i am not even close to that college friend, so why is she inside that car with me?
4. the car is haunted. hahaha
5. why can it move forward with the reverse lights on?
6. why do i seem to be half-awake the entire time i was dreaming?!

--
pinakulam mo ba ako? hahaha
 
 
Current Location: bumming around at home
Current Mood: sadmissing steve irwin
Current Music: i will remember you
 
 
boybalbas
12 August 2006 @ 04:11 pm
for not blogging for so long, you'd expect a "make-up" in the form of a blog-a-thon.
but i'm too lazy for that. i'm always lazy. i got lots to do. so much. and you wanna know why?

'cause i keep saying i'll do stuff that i don't even know i have time to do!!

i know i can do a lot of things. i'm capable of doing things beyond what anyone can expect
from me.
i'm sick of feeling bad sometimes because i can't deliver whatever it is i promised to someone.
i have trust issues, you know. and to get someone to trust me, the only way i know is to promise
something and do what i promised to do.
and it sucks that about 50% of the time, even though i try with all my human capacity to live up to
that promise, i fail. and that just doesn't feel good now, does it? as a matter of fact, i hate it.

life isn't easy for anybody, i know.. many people have bigger problems than fixing themselves..
and i'm so selfish just thinking about my own bloody life.

well, i'm not too happy about how my life's going, but i definitely savor every moment of it. 
this blog's not going to end on a negative note. so i'm just gonna suck it up and get back to

L    I     F     E...


---
yea boi.. wag ka na mag maang-maangan.. i know that you know.. but i can't tell you now.
 
 
Current Location: between two lines
Current Mood: complacentcomplacent
Current Music: wala
 
 
 
boybalbas
09 August 2006 @ 12:11 am
tae, ok?
nakakainis.. bakit kelangan pa mag usaengg..

dropped from mumedia = zzzzzzzz!!
 
 
Current Mood: angryFURIOUS!!!!
 
 
boybalbas
17 July 2006 @ 08:39 am
kahit na natulog talaga ako at si ian lahat ang gumawa ng project, zombied pa rin. i hate appsdev.  i hate professors din who think their subject is so important that he/she should give big projects to the students.
 
 
Current Mood: tiredzombied
Current Music: postal service - recycled air
 
 
boybalbas
01 July 2006 @ 09:46 pm
i'm trying to be friendly. trying desperately to save the (or recreate a) friendship, and you make no effort to reciprocate at all. that's funny. i thought you were more than that. you even told me that it would just take time. you even talked about a God element. you told me you were just uncomfortable. i thought a casual 'hi' was the right thing to do. apparently, i was wrong. which means you were right. you were right when you told me that i didn't know you that well.  

next time nalang ulit. after a few weeks, maybe?

---
i was right about one thing. suplada ka talaga. you're so adorable.
 
 
Current Mood: apatheticapathetic but not emo
Current Music: version 7.0
 
 
boybalbas
29 June 2006 @ 06:51 pm

this probably isn't the perfect time to be doing this 'cause what i really need to do now is to work on my thesis.  but, hell, i've been working on it for almost an entire day now (though the output isn't really that significant), and i want a break from it.  this term isn't exactly the easiest, but it sure is more exciting than the past terms i've been in la salle.  first of all, it's the start of the thesis series.  how fun is that? kidding.. i'm not a geek but i find it exciting to be doing something i've never done before (hopefully, something i'm not going to repeat over and over).  i don't know about you guys, but i'm happy to be working on our thesis (finally), 'cause it means i'm just about to graduate.  on the other end, the math series isn't that much fun.  if i fail (again) i'm definitely going to extend for another term.. what a drag... i don't feel too excited listening to an old, monotonous, moody professor..

last week i've been doing a lot of thinking.. i went up a mountain to ask God about a lot of things. about His plans for me and my family this year and next year and the years after that..  it's easier when you know where you're going than just walking in the dark and guessing your way around.. and what better person to ask than the One who created you, right?  so there.. i've made decisions about a lot of things.. it's not going to be an easy year for me, but i'm going to accept it as it is.. 

btw, i've been more involved in school stuff more than ever before.. i used to be 0% interested in school stuff 'cause everything's about politics and looking good and being popular.. right now i've found an org where i belong.. haha 

shoutout to GMG! mahal ko kayo!!



joining the rowing team and a lot more.. this term's going to be really interesting.

it's all about perspective, i believe.. life isn't supposed to be easy, but if you learn to soar when the wind is too strong, to see the stars rather than the dark sky, i think life will be perfect for you.. face your fears, spar with troubles and play with risks.. there is so much more ou there than your pathetic excuse of a life.. i mean, sitting in your chair feeling sorry for yourself isn't going  to benefit anyone but your wrinkles.  take a break, freak out.. be silly.. be yourself.  look for that one thing that you love doing and do it like it's the last time you're ever going to have the chance of doing it.. make a difference. of course there's always that "God-element" that comes with it. a "higher power" if that's what you want to call it.. believe.


---
the nail that sticks out gets hammered.

 
 
Current Mood: excitedhanging from the ceiling
Current Music: all out of love
 
 
boybalbas
21 June 2006 @ 09:18 am
a very serious question  <--click this

NOT FOR THOSE WITH HEART CONDITIONS AND THOSE WITH PROBLEMS WITH FLYING OBJECTS THAT DON'T USUALLY FLY.

i did warn you.

saw this on flashandscreams' page. i think you should all go take a look at it.

---
thesis sucks. who wants to drop?! tapos next term nalang ulit!! :D :D hehe